Years of desire and prep and waiting for the right timing.

You research, seek advice, and connect with those who have gone before you.

Then that huge shift…and you realize that no amount of groundwork or education could have adequately prepared you for what you’re currently experiencing.

Am I talking about bringing home a baby or moving overseas? Both.

My husband and I just brought home our first baby. As I was feeding her last night, I realized that life with her has a lot of similarities to moving to a foreign place. Here are a few of them:

1) Preparation (or lack thereof)

We all know that no amount of studying or preparing is equal to actual lived experience. The classroom is a good place to learn theory, but putting what you learned into practice is where the growth really happens.

I attended the child birthing classes my doctor offered, but could anything have prepared me for the pain of contractions? No. I read a 500-page book about breastfeeding, but was I prepared for the realities of nursing a newborn? Negative. I have been around babies my whole life, but did I really understand what it would be like to be responsible for my own? Not even close.

In the same way, maybe you researched where you were moving. Maybe you’ve talked with teammates who were already there about what to bring and what to leave behind. Perhaps your company provided months of training. These are good things and your effort to learn ahead of time is to be commended. However, I guarantee that you will encounter situations in your new home that never came up in those training sessions or research. Whether it’s learning how to cook from scratch, figuring out new traffic patterns, or trying to hear subtle differences in a tonal language, there will be a learning curve. Take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and try again.  

2) Unmet Expectations

We all go into situations with certain expectations, but often don’t even realize what those expectations are until they aren’t met.

In the first two weeks home with my baby, I had reached a level of exhaustion I never knew was possible. Being a parent was way more involved than I expected. A baby is dependent on you for everything. You’re the one to feed, dress, and bathe her. You have to wash her clothes, change her diaper, and take her to doctor’s appointments. Buying the formula, washing the bottles, pumping the milk – it’s all on you. Plus everything else involved in keeping her alive and healthy. My husband was the best helper, but even with the two of us caring for one baby was a lot.

Before I moved overseas, I thought everyone in my community would always get along perfectly. How could there be conflict when we all have the same ultimate goal? Little did I know, there are as many thoughts on how to reach that goal (not to mention life in general) as there are people on the team.

Maybe you’re not filling the role you envisioned for yourself, the one you told friends and supporters you would be doing. Maybe you expected deep friendships with your teammates and but just feel isolated. Maybe you aren’t catching on to the language as fast as you had hoped.

Whatever it is, these unmet expectations can be hard to accept. Once again, give yourself and those around you grace.   

3) Emotional Roller Coaster

This one doesn’t require much explanation. Bringing home a baby and moving to a new country are both huge transitions. There’s a lack of sleep, inconsolable crying, and the inability to communicate (and I’m not just talking about the baby). Throw in a handful of homesickness, plus a large dose of culture shock and there are bound to be some big emotions, frustrations, and feelings of general helplessness.

I think I cried more in the first two weeks with my baby than I have in the past two years. But it wouldn’t be a roller coaster without some highs. Cuddling a prayed for, longed for baby is awfully sweet, as is successfully expressing yourself in a new language.

4) Trust the Master with the Master Plan

Events like having a baby and moving to a new place always go a little differently than we had planned. Perhaps the baby wasn’t planned at all. Maybe the funding didn’t come in as quickly as you had anticipated. It could be that your kids aren’t adjusting as well as you had expected, either to the newest member of your family or to the new living situation. Whatever transitions we go through, it is impossible for us to control everything, despite our best efforts. Whether life goes according to our plan or not, we can trust the One who is in control. He is good and He is working things out for our good.

How did your preparation and expectations compare to your reality of moving overseas? Do the lows help you appreciate the highs more? Is it hard for you to let go of control or do you find comfort in knowing that it’s not ultimately up to you?