Teams comes in all different shapes and sizes. Different passport countries — different experiences that led us overseas, and different life stages — which all add to the diversity that is often found in expat communities.

Diversity can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be challenging. Different perspectives can be helpful, but that means not everyone thinks like I do. Everybody has a unique skill set that complements others’ and each serves to accomplish the task, but that means we have to depend on each other. Experienced team members have a lot of wisdom about the country, the work, and the people, but it can be hard for newcomers to understand and accept that wisdom.  

Sometimes it’s easier to stick with those with whom I have the most in common. Working with people who are different than me requires more effort, humility, and grace. It’s hard enough to work alongside those people in my passport country, not to mention overseas where everything is different. My tendency is to gravitate towards others like me.

But I don’t think this is the way we were meant to do life.

We need each other. We need the different viewpoints from different countries. We need to learn from people’s different experiences. We need the relationships of multiple generations.

I had a conversation recently with a single, 40-something who was preparing to move overseas. She was feeling discouraged because her future teammates were mostly young families. One of those families was in the training with us, but she wasn’t interested in getting to know them.

My heart broke for her as we talked because she was already forming assumptions about people she barely knew, people she would soon be spending a lot of time with, people she will probably have to depend on, to some extent, for a while.

There’s that saying, “if you look for the bad in people, you’ll find it.” I tried to offer her some encouragement, but it seemed she was already convinced she wouldn’t have anything in common with her teammates and therefore, working with them would be difficult and lonely.

————

When I first arrived overseas, my housemate was six years older than me and had already been in country for five years. She had more wisdom about life in general than I did. She taught me how to ride a motorbike, how to cook, and how to live there. Without her willingness to invest in me and give me a solid foundation for my time in country, I don’t think I would have stayed as long as I did. Eventually we became close friends, and remain friends to this day.

Because I taught at a school where the moms of the students were also fellow teachers and co-workers, I learned a lot about marriage and parenting from my relationships with the families. I also gained some valuable friendships with the moms because we were willing to interact and invest in each other, despite our differences. It was special to know a mom saw me as a peer and friend even though I was single and without children. When they would ask me out for coffee or have me over for dinner (and not just see me as a babysitter), it was much appreciated.

————

I understand sometimes it’s hard to connect with people different than you. I’ve been there. Even people who I seem to have a lot in common with on the surface can be hard to get along with. But that doesn’t mean I need to sacrifice the relationship. I can still reach out. I can still interact with them. I can still be a friend.

I understand age and experience play a big part in effective team relationships. I have seen a team fall apart because newer members didn’t agree with the experienced team leader. I also understand there are often things about the single life that marrieds don’t realize and vice versa. I’ve been excluded and talked down to just because I was single. And I probably made some ignorant comments about marriage before I got married. But I also know from personal experience that diverse teams have great value, to each other and to the work. Different past experiences, knowledge, and ideas can make a team more effective.

We need the visionaries, the detail-oriented, the logical thinkers, and the creatives. We need the leaders, administrators, and those who would rather stay behind the scenes. We need those who are driven and those who know how to rest. We need each other.

If you are already on a team, I encourage you to reach out to your teammates who are from a different country or in a different life stage than you. If you are on your way to a team, don’t form assumptions about your teammates prematurely. You might be surprised. And if you’re thinking about joining a team in the future, start preparing now by seeking out those around you who are different. You don’t have to look very hard to find diversity. It’s all around us — as it should be. Take advantage of it and spend time with those who are different from you. Learn from them, enjoy their friendship, and know your life is richer because of it.

What’s been your experience with teams? What have you learned from those different than you?

Other posts you might enjoy…

Expat Friends, We’re on the Same Team

Episode 19: Building Community Overseas Between Families and Singles with Amy Young

Dos and Don’ts for Loving Singles Overseas