Summer: The Expat Season of Goodbye
Yesterday I fell into step with a friend as we walked to pick up our kids from school. I smiled and asked her, "Doesn't it feel like summer out today?"She smiled back, but it immediately faded. "I need to tell you goodbye," she said. "We are leaving tomorrow."Stop. What? It's still several weeks before the end of the school year."For vacation?" I ventured.
She shook her head. "We got our next assignment and need to be there soon. We are leaving for good." She looked around at the schoolyard where she's been dropping off and picking up her son for the last few years.I knew she'd be moving this summer, but knowing a change is coming doesn't mean there aren't surprises in the process. It was clear the suddenness of the transition had knocked the wind out of her, too. We hugged and wished each other the best of luck and good health. We said we hoped we’d see each other again someday.We have different passport countries, though, and it's not very likely. Not much warning for a lifelong goodbye.This time last year we were preparing to move overseas ourselves. While the kids were at school, the baby napped, and my husband wrote his final grad school papers, I waded through the decisions of what to bring and what to leave behind. We were so busy we barely had time for farewells. I wished I'd planned more time for them.Goodbye season is messy.I always think I'll have time to wrap things up perfectly: tell friends exactly what they've meant to me, eat at each restaurant we love, walk to see our favorite view one last time. But it doesn't work that way—the urgent tasks don't leave much room for sentimental activities.If you are leaving, remember……to take pictures of the little things. Do it now, even if you know you'll pass that landmark a dozen more times before you go. You may end up too rushed to stop and take the photo later.…you can't say yes to everything. Make a list of must-dos. Must-see people. Start saying goodbye early—the last month before the move will go by much faster than you think.…to practice moderation and get enough sleep. In the busyness of packing, leaving parties, and eating that favorite food once more, it's tempting to overindulge and stay up late those last few weeks. Likely that will leave you feeling sick, tired, and unable to enjoy those special moments.If a friend is leaving……remember goodbye season affects the expats who leave as well as the ones who stay. Having friends move away is also a rough transition. Especially if you lose many at the same time. Allow yourself to be sad.…give your friends space but offer help. There may not be much you can do in terms of packing. Offer to bring meals, take the family's photo outside their house, or drive them to the airport.…plan one last meaningful hurrah. Are you both coffee lovers? Make time to grab a cappuccino. Work buddies? Organize an office lunch. And schedule it a few weeks before moving day—her last week will be busy enough.…don't give her a gift the week she leaves! Most expats shed things as they prepare to go overseas or return home. If you do give a gift, give it early enough so she can ship it ahead or make space in a suitcase. Better yet, write her a note. A note is light, unbreakable, and a great way to meaningfully say goodbye.I didn't have time to prepare for my friend's sudden move, but I knew that goodbyes were on the horizon. Summer is goodbye season for expats, after all.