An Honest Reflection on Re-entry, Repatriation, and Reverse Culture Shock
“And more than anything else, it is owning the fact that I have been deeply and irrevocably changed as a result of my life overseas.”
It has been eleven years since I last lived among my compatriots. I came home from Cambodia in September and I'm now heading into the fifth month, which feels strange. Normally, I would have already jumped on a plane and returned to my host country by the third month, so the fact I'm not returning is hitting hard deep within my bones. I keenly feel my transition in every aspect of my life.
Re-entry is not for the faint of heart! Reverse culture shock can and does act like a terrorist, attacking in the most benign circumstances. The only way I know how to describe re-entry is to compare it to a space shuttle that bursts into flames upon re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. At times I truly feel the friction of re-entry, like I am self-combusting and hurtling through the atmosphere, unchecked. Before I continue, let me say that I am deliberately and successfully building community. I have a wonderful job. I am remodeling a 1940’s bungalow. I am involved in a local church and ministry opportunities are unfolding before me. I am honestly pursuing good and healthy steps towards a successful transition, but that doesn’t mean the emotional aspect of such a huge transition just quietly fades into the background. It does not. I feel the tip of the spear almost every day.
The Reality
It is more than just being dumbfounded by the sheer variety of laundry detergent available in stores or the bewilderment and shock that comes with seeing so much wasted food. It is the constant feeling of trying to catch up in conversations and understanding or misunderstanding references to pop culture. (Upon my arrival I was told that I needed to know who Joanna Gaines is and then I was told what shiplap was. That was my friend’s attempt at enculturation.)It is the recognition that the America I came home to looks and feels very different than the America I left. It is embracing the plaid, bearded wonder of today’s American church. It is the sticker shock that comes with life in America—and negotiating the ridiculous expense of insurance and other things. It is grieving the loss of all those I have left behind and who I so deeply loved. It is reconciling myself to the fact that many of those relationships will now be continued in the unsatisfying form of social media. And more than anything else, it is owning the fact that I have been deeply and irrevocably changed as a result of my life overseas. I am a square peg in a round hole and I have to accept the fact that only a small group of people can fully understand my life of the past twenty-four years.
The Process
Honestly, just putting words to the experience is therapeutic. I have been unflinchingly honest because it is important to define reality. The unwelcome truth is that there is no solution here—there is no answer. Transition is a process and it is just like the kids’ song, We’re Going On a Bear Hunt. The constant refrain in that song is
We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it!
And so it is with reverse culture shock and re-entry. You can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. Oh no! You’ve got to go through it! And the going through it partly comes with sadness, heartbreak, and grief.
Grace Required
The emotion and the experience is all too real, and the longer you have been overseas the more arduous the re-entry. My purpose in writing this is to say if you are in the emotional rollercoaster process of re-entry, you are not alone. Repatriation requires lots and lots of GRACE. Extend grace to those around you who don’t understand and extend even more grace to yourself when you are overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or just plain apathetic. Re-entry is an emotional business and it cannot be denied. When I first went to Cambodia, I remember waking up in the early dawn to Buddhist monks chanting a funeral and I thinking to myself, “you are not in Kansas anymore.” But I began the deliberate and very intentional business of acculturation in my new country. Re-entry must be equally deliberate and intentional.
I know that I am not alone in this. What has helped you through the re-entry process? What is in your survival kit?
