Step-by-Step Guide to Recovering from Jet-lag with a Toddler
I used to fly back to the US a few times a year. Now that I have a toddler, I get why people only go back once a year—or once every three years. It is hard. Here is my step-by-step guide to surviving jet-lag with a toddler…
Step 1: DON’T DO IT.
Only return to your host country every ten years. By that point, all of your children will be out of the toddler stage.
Step 2: IF THAT’S NOT AN OPTION…
If your friends and family in your passport country protest that you must return more often than once a decade, proceed to step three.
Step 3: GET AN EARLIER FLIGHT.
If you have a connecting flight after the long-haul flight, do whatever you have to do to get on an earlier flight, because you can’t possibly stand dealing with your crying toddler for one extra minute in the rundown airport. This is key to your survival. Trust me, it doesn’t matter if the earlier flight is leaving in fifteen minutes. It doesn’t matter what the change fee is. It doesn’t matter that your husband throws out his knee racing through the airport with your thirty pound bag of frozen bacon and cheese from America, to get you and that baby on that earlier flight. Do what you must and don’t take no for an answer.
Step 4: DON’T LET ANYONE PASS YOU.
If the flight is leaving when you are just reaching the security line and people are trying to cut in front of you, hold your hand across the security line and tell people to back off with a snarl. Make it clear that you have a flight to catch too.
Step 5: JUST WALK THROUGH.
At the security screening, try to walk through with your baby in the ergo-baby-carrier and your shoes still on to save time. When they make you do it again, throw your shoes and ergo-baby-carrier on the screening machine with a huff. Once through security, place your child in the luggage bins while you pack your stuff back up. Then race to the gate with only one shoe on.
Step 6: TOTALLY WORTH IT.
If you make the earlier flight (by an act of God), tell your husband that it was totally worth the busted knee to be in bed three hours earlier.
Step 7: YOUR CHILD WON’T WANT TO SLEEP.
Finally get home in a beat-up taxi, with your clothes smelling like car fumes, and realize that your child is not as eager to go to sleep as you are.
Step 8: YOUR CHILD STILL WON’T WANT TO SLEEP.
Try and nurse your child to sleep in bed with you. You might find that your child thinks it is just so fun to be in bed with mom and dad in the middle of the day.
Step 9: YOUR CHILD IS STILL AWAKE.
Stare blankly at the floor half asleep while your child plays.
Step 10: BLOOD PACT.
Vow to never leave your time zone again. Make a pact with your partner in blood.
Step 11: YOUR CHILD SLEEPS, FINALLY.
After too many hours, your child crashes—literally crashes—into some pillows and falls asleep.
Step 12: YOUR CHILD WON’T SLEEP PART
Let your child sleep for a few hours while you faceplant into the sofa. Reluctantly wake your toddler for dinner. After dinner realize that they have no interest in sleeping that night. Stare blankly at the floor until your child literally crashes into a crying mess on the floor.
Step 13: REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT.
This is just the first day. Repeat this for about four-to-five days.
Only attempt jetlag with a toddler at YOUR OWN RISK. If these steps don’t work for you I am in no way liable for your failed jetlag transition.
Did we miss a step? If so, let us know in the comments!
Check out the other hilarious Step-by-Step Guides: Surviving Long-Haul Flights with a Toddler and Guide to Packing up Your Whole Life into Ten Suitcases.
