Episode 26: Going "Home" with Lauren Pinkston
"The identity of pride is the identity of the Enemy -- to think I'm better than anyone else or that my story is more in depth or more rich than the neighbor who's lived in Tennessee their whole life."
-Lauren Pinkston
On the difficult days of expat life, we might be guilty of daydreaming about "going home." But then, we snap ourselves out of it and declare, "what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger!" We pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and march forward, determined to stay the course and not let anything threaten to send us packing. Over time, pride takes over and suddenly we think "going home" is equal to "quitting." But what if it's EXACTLY what the Lord is calling us to do? What if going home is the next RIGHT step to take? Join us as we chat with returning guest, Lauren Pinkston, on the topic of going "home."
Show Notes
Connect with Denise
Connect with Alicia
Connect with Lauren | and her fair-trade business: Wearthy | and her new job
Questions discussed during this episode:
When you moved overseas, did you think it was going to be forever?
When you started thinking about coming back to your passport country, walk me through what that looked like. Was it just because your 5-year contract was coming to an end?
What were the confirmations to move back?
How did you work through the bitterness and resentment and get to a place where you were ok going back to the U.S.?
Did you have any fears about how you would be viewed once you got back to the United States?
How did you finish well? What were some of the things you did before you got on that plane that has allowed you to live in more freedom being back in North America?
Now that you're on the other side, what was it like landing and still having the hardships you carried with you from Southeast Asia?
Now that you've been through the whole process, how has it been confirmed that this was the right thing for your family?
What's on the horizon for you?
Mentioned in this episode:
Episode 01: Doing the Never-Ever Things with Lauren Pinkston
The College Essay I Should Have Written by Christie Chu
Building a R.A.F.T. before transitioning back home.
Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken
Home, James by Emily Jackson
Book Depository -- FREE international shipping for books!
Noteworthy Quotes:
"Don't sacrifice your children on the altar of your ministry."
"I kept that quote in my back pocket, but it was always hidden underneath this belief that that would never be me."
"I never wanted to leave and I struggled so much with bitterness and resentment towards my family -- and I hated that."
"In my most prideful, selfish moments I was resentful towards my kids that I had to make a decision for them that didn't place me in the life and work that I wanted to do."
"When I voiced out loud to someone for the first time that I felt resentful towards my kids, it just sounded ugly. It tasted terrible -- and of course that's not from the Lord."
"I was afraid of losing my closeness with the Lord. Something about living and working in the context where I was, I just felt like there was always so many things stacked against us all the time. It was just me and God. I was terrified of losing that and getting dependent on myself again."
"When you're in a family, the health of one person affects the health of the whole family unit. And you have to lean in together and carry the burdens for one another, to maintain the health of those inside your home."
"Fear is a common feeling we all have -- "Well, I didn't make it."
"No matter how long you stay, there's always going to be somebody in your host country who stays longer than you."
You want to be the pros. You want to be the "lifers" who are there and making it work and thriving. There's part of that identity of living abroad I mourned losing, as well. Our experiences abroad are so much a part of who we are.
"There was this hesitancy to tell our new neighbors about our life because I feel like we have this rich story to share. But at the same time, I don't know if I would feel more of a closeness with her after sharing or feel more of a divide."
"How do we exist with the stories we've gathered and the life we've lived? I was afraid of losing that identity and how to communicate where we've been and what we've done."
"The identity of pride is the identity of the Enemy -- to think I'm better than anyone else or that my story is more in depth or more rich than the neighbor who's lived in Tennessee their whole life."
"Make a list of everyone who you've built a relationship with and make it a point to spend time with those people affirming your relationship."
"For our kids, we made a huge list on the wall of things they wanted to do before we left -- places they wanted to go, people they wanted to see, and things they wanted to eat. I think it was a really healthy exercise to put down, in picture form, what was important to them and what they valued in that space and in the city they lived."
"We idolize this idea of giving our kids the richness of living and traveling abroad, but it's also a gift to give your kids a stable childhood and a place to associate their memories."
"No matter where I'm living, I can live a life of service to the Lord."
Related previous episodes:
Episode 24: Helping TCKs Find Their Place in the Word with Ruth Van Reken
Episode 23: Growing Up in a Mix of Cultures with Jessi Vance
Episode 13: Staying Steadfast When Starting Over with Philippa Brooks
Episode 11: Holding Loosely to Our Plans with Allie Riddle
Related articles:
The College Essay I Should Have Written by Christie Chu
Creating Rhythms in an Unpredictable Life by Heather Fallis
Good Grief: Helping TCKs Navigate Their Unresolved Grief by Caroline Swartz
10 Things to Expect When You Take TCKs "Home" by Emily Jackson
Transitioning Well as a Family When Moving by Christie Chu
Remember the Little Things Through Photography by Janet Phillips
Show credits:
Hosted by Denise James and Alicia Boyce // produced and edited by Melissa Faraday // content managed by Alicia Boyce.
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