The Dos and Don’ts of Raising TCKs | Episode 18
“Let the Lord show up for your kids.” —Denise
We don’t claim to be experts in this department, by any means, but we do have some experience with raising TCKs. You can treat this episode like a buffet line—take what you like, pass on the things you don’t. As Melissa said in this episode, “You’re smart parents. I’m sure you can figure out which ones to do and which ones to don’t.”Ultimately, we hope you feel encouraged after listening to this episode. God has given these children to you and you are the best person for them. No one knows them like you do.
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Denise
Melissa
Alicia
Dos and don’ts discussed in this episode:
Don’t compare your kids’ language learning abilities and and local friendships (or lack thereof) with other TCKs.
Do be an advocate for your kids.
Do practice daily empathy with your TCKs and try to see life through their eyes.
Don’t “bright side” your kids’ struggles, but do come alongside them and help them push through and do the hard things.
Don’t believe all your kids’ issues are because they’re TCKs.
Don’t tell your kids about fun plans until the last minute, lest the plans be thwarted and you’re stuck with disappointed kids.
Do tell your kids about upcoming events/plans if it helps them to know what to expect and what’s expected of them.
Do be creative with helping your kids. Think outside the box. You don’t have to do things the way everyone has always done things. You can do things different.
Do realize your kids’ lives are seasonal. Don’t give up too soon.
Noteworthy Quotes:
“God has given these children to you and you are their advocate. You are the best person for them. No one knows them like you do. Remember that when you’re making decisions for your children or when you see needs for your children—speak up. No one else is going to do it for you.” — Denise
“I try to listen to my kids without trying to change their minds.” — Melissa
“Have your child pick one cultural thing they need to work on and decide on a reward after they do that thing a certain number of times. But you don’t want to make the reward something that’s outside of the culture. Your TCK will begin to think, “see? All the good things, all the rewards, are outside of this place. That’s why I don’t like it here.” — Alicia
“Find rewards your kid enjoys that are also a part of the culture. That way, it doesn’t get separated into ‘please do this hard thing that you don’t like about this culture so you can finally be rewarded with something that’s outside of this culture.” — Alicia
“Don’t believe all your kids’ issues are because they’re TCKs. Don’t believe the lie that the reason they’re struggling with the people or struggling with making friends is just because they’re TCKs.” — Denise
“Sometimes the things our TCKs are struggling with is a character issue or a sin issue. It’s things they are dealing with inside of themselves and will follow them wherever they go.” — Denise
“You’re smart parents. I’m sure you can figure out which ones to do and which ones to don’t.” — Melissa
“If your kids has a need and it’s not being met then figure out a new way to meet it.” — Denise
“I fight with my kids all the time about them being on the computer. But this is 2022. Kids are on the computer—it’s how they connect. I think back to how I was attached to the telephone and talked to my friends for hours. So I just have to tell myself to relax. Just relax! Relaaaax.” — Denise
“Letting our TCKs interact virtually with fellow TCKs helps them to feel refreshed and walk away with their tank filled up so they can be where they are.” — Alicia
“Let the Lord show up for your kids.” — Denise
Mentioned in Episode:
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Related Episodes and Articles:
ITTS Episode 02: Fostering TCK Friendships
Episode 25: Helping TCKs Find Their Place in the World with Ruth Van Reken
Good Grief: Helping TCKs Navigate Their Unresolved Grief
Couches on Helicopters: Supporting Families Living Abroad
Am I Doing Enough: Expat Motherhood and Ministry with Littles
How One Mom Helped Her Struggling TCK
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Show credits:
Hosted by Denise James, Alicia Boyce, and Melissa Faraday // produced and edited by Melissa Faraday // content managed by Alicia Boyce.
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