Expat Life is a Pair of Ducks
“One important piece to remember is that the Yay Duck and Yuck Duck swim together. There is not always an equal and opposite response to some of our feelings. Life isn’t as straightforward as physics.”
When I initially went overseas, I committed to one year and was sent as an intern with my company. By the end of my third year, I had committed to staying in my role long term and finally had the time to attend a training for people preparing to move overseas in Colorado during the summer of 2015. It was there that I first learned about “yay ducks” and the “yuck ducks.”
The trainers brought out two rubber ducks. The Yay Duck represented all the good and exciting parts of moving overseas. The Yuck Duck had some bruises and band-aids and represented all of the not-so-good parts of moving overseas. This was a new way to describe some of the feelings I was experiencing, as I looked ahead to making a major life transition. For example, I have to leave friends and family behind. Yuck! But technology makes it easy to connect. Yay! Or, maybe you have to sell your house and downsize your possessions. Yuck! But we’re getting ready to embark on a new adventure. Yay! The list could go on and on and is different for each person and family.
I finally had words and an easier way to understand these contradictory emotions I had been experiencing for three years. And if you’re wondering why the presenter chose to use a pair of ducks for the illustration, say the phrase “pair of ducks” quickly and you get pretty close to the word “paradox.”
Expat life is a paradox.
One important piece to remember is that the Yay Duck and Yuck Duck swim together. There is not always an equal and opposite response to some of our feelings. Life isn’t as straightforward as physics. Some parts of this mobile life are just yuck. Technology is awesome, but it will never quite replace in-person relationships. Sometimes it’s important to acknowledge the hard parts and not try to dismiss the grief.
This idea of Yay Ducks and Yuck Ducks came up recently in another training I’m currently doing with my new company and it reminded me of how applicable it is to this life. My ducks have looked a little different in the past year. I left the country that was my second home, said goodbye to my students and friends who had become like family, and left behind what had become my normal. Yuck, yuck, yuck. But, I left because I was coming to America to get married. Yay! I’ve been able to spend almost a year near friends and family. Yay! English is spoken all around me. Yay! There are always going to be ups and downs, often at the same time, and that’s ok.
When you get to your new location, you might realize some new yays and yucks that you hadn’t thought of before. Or, if you’ve been there for a while, new things have likely already come up. One of the hardest things for me living overseas for six years was the amount of goodbyes I said to friends. But now I can say I have friends all over the world and some of them have become lifelong friends.
The illustration of the ducks can also be a healthy way for kids to process their emotions. I don’t have kids of my own yet, but I know the ducks are used in some programs that help prepare kids to make the overseas move. And if they see and hear you expressing your yays and yucks, they might be more open to doing the same.
This Yay Duck/Yuck Duck way of thinking about transition really helps me in processing all the thoughts, emotions, and events that happen when a transition is near, and I hope it helps you too.
If you are preparing to move to a new location, or have moved recently, or moved a long time ago, does this idea ring true for you? Have you heard about the ducks before? What are some yays and yucks you and/or your family have experienced? How do you think through them and balance the good parts with the hard ones?