On War, Hospitality, and Carrying On + a Stir-Fry Recipe
“The war spurs me on in my hospitality efforts. It spurs me on in my parenting. It spurs me on in my celebrations and in my joy. I am free to do all these things, and my doing them–while an army threatens the security of over 40 million people on my continent–is my small act of rebellion.”
I was standing by the soundboard turning on the projector and the mics when I saw her enter. From her shiny brown hair and trendy clothes, I could tell she was young—maybe college aged—and possibly an international student. She stepped timidly into our meeting room and looked around for a free seat. Once she found one, she gently pulled it away from the rest of the row. Social distancing has made everyone think they must sit alone if they come alone, putting a seat in between ourselves and someone else. So, she sat alone, and I had a sense that what she needed was company. One person spoke to her, and I could tell from her halting Spanish that she was from my own passport country.
Back at my small apartment, my daughter’s bunk bed was in pieces in the hallway, waiting to be sold on the Spanish version of Facebook marketplace. Because of the furniture upheaval, I hadn’t cleaned in a while. It really wasn’t the right time to invite someone to our house, but I wanted to. My lunch plan was substantial, actually, as I was already marinating chicken for Vietnamese sandwiches. Our apartment was in chaos and we were quite busy, but for once I had enough food for a good family meal. Really, I had more than enough.
I decided to introduce myself to the gal and invited her to share lunch with my family in our crazy home. I told her about the bed, the dirty floors, and the fancy sandwiches that had the potential to be truly delicious.
She responded, eyes prickling with tears, “eating with your family would be great. Really great.”
——
The Polish have a proverb, “Gosc w dom, Bog w dom.“ — Guest in house, God in house.
There is war in Europe, but this is what I’m doing: carrying on.
The war spurs me on in my hospitality efforts. It spurs me on in my parenting. It spurs me on in my celebrations and in my joy. I am free to do all these things, and my doing them–while an army threatens the security of over 40 million people on my continent–is my small act of rebellion.
In all my WhatsApp groups, people are sharing collection sites, informing contacts they know of a man driving to Romania with supplies, and posting pictures of Europeans taking care of Ukrainian war refugees. It is heartbreaking, and it is beautiful. I feel useless to help. I’m over here consuming too much media, putting photos of sunflowers and Ukrainian art in my instagram stories, and choosing not to complain about gas prices. I am over on the sidelines supplying a few diapers and feminine products, a little cash,* and a lot of prayers. It doesn’t seem like much. It really isn’t.
There is war in Europe, and we hosted a marriage conference. There is war in Europe, and I played fútbol with my son in my church dress.
There is war in Europe, and I used a pretty tablecloth, I cried in the bath, I celebrated with women, I enjoyed my morning coffee, and I kept taking care of my body.
And I will keep taking care of others too. The young woman we had for lunch has become a fixture in our family. She has an adequate room with a hospitable and kind host family, but her teaching job is stressful and she misses American food and culture. To my delight, she feels free to ask if she can join us for lunch sometimes. She takes my daughter on coffee dates. And she knows she can depend on us.
Sometimes, I'm still prepared with marinating chicken, and the Vietnamese sandwiches are a hit. More often I'm not as well prepared to feed guests, but I don't want it to keep me from welcoming them. I care a great deal about the food, but I have learned that it's almost never about the food when the company is what's needed.
Perhaps you've skipped opportunities to host because it was too close to market day and there wasn't much to share. I want to share a tried and true method—definitely not a recipe—to make food go further in a pinch. It has an ugly name, but a beautiful purpose. I present…
Garbage Stir Fry
Both of my grandmothers cook delicious, complicated meals when called upon, and I learned a lot from them. But the advice I most take to heart is that you must cook the starch first because usually it takes the longest. Or, it’s ok if it sits while you cook the rest. So, depending on where in the world you live, you probably have rice, pasta or potatoes. Choose one.
Second, take a look at your proteins. You can start with anything - fresh or left overs. Some ideas:
Rotisserie chicken
Pre-cooked chopped or shredded chicken
Leftover pulled pork
Any kind of ground meat
Frozen seafood
Seitan
Tofu (I like firm!)
Third, take a look at every single vegetable you have. In Spain, we differentiate between the veggies that usually get cooked, like carrots, cabbage, and broccoli (verduras) and the veggies that are usually served raw, like cucumbers and lettuce (hortalizas). I think that’s beautiful (and also confusing if you try to look it up), but this is the meal for the vegetables you like to cook. Grab them all, regardless of the quantities, and chop them up to roughly the same size. Here are some options:
Broccoli, broccolini
Cabbage
Carrots
Cauliflower
Green beans
Onion
Tomato
Mushroom
Leeks
Bell peppers
Zucchini, or any kind of squash
Bagged and frozen green beans, peas, edamame or carrots are also good here!
Now, figure out the flavor profile you’re going for. The foundation of every good meal is the same: salt, fat, acid, heat. The most obvious, of course, is Asian stir-fry.
I make an all-purpose stir fry sauce with 1 cup of soy sauce, ½ cup orange juice, ¼ cup fish sauce, 2 tablespoons rice vinegar, and 2 teaspoons each of garlic and ginger powder. I stir fry my veggies, starting with the onions, in sesame oil and add some of the sauce (maybe 2 tablespoons?) and cooked meat at the end to heat it. If your meat is raw, marinate it for 30 minutes, cook until no longer pink, then add the veggies and sauce and cook until everything is just softened.
Here are a few other flavor profile ideas to get you started:
Indian curry: Saute your veggies in ghee or butter and add a tablespoon or two of curry powder and enough coconut milk or chicken stock (or both!) to make a gravy. I also like this with ground pork or turkey and shredded broccoli and carrots.
Indian butter chicken: Saute your veggies in ghee and add a lot of tomato paste or tomato sauce (or both), plus garam masala and coconut milk, cream or cashew cream.
Italian: saute your veggies in olive oil with a generous amount of garlic, oregano and rosemary. I like to use Italian sausage seasoning. Add cherry tomatoes or chopped tomatoes (canned is fine!) until they burst or wilt. This is delicious served on pasta or just with crusty bread.
Spanish: Saute your veggies in olive oil, including lots of garlic, and season with oregano and paprika. Add a can of garbanzo beans or white beans, and chicken stock to make it almost a soup. Stir in chopped parsley at the end if you have it. You can stir in cooked pasta or rice, but Spanish food is always served with bread!
Mexican: Listen, we love a good taco night but it usually takes a lot of ingredients. I can rarely pull it off without planning ahead because I'm always missing something important. But the flavor profile for Mexican food is simple, and you can just flavor your sauteed veggies and meat with salsa or taco seasoning. Onions, garlic, zucchini, peppers, tomatoes and even cabbage sauteed in olive oil and seasoned with cumin, oregano and lime juice is delicious served with chips, over rice, or even with scrambled eggs!
Now you always have the items for a meal with a friend, and you’ll never let a vegetable go bad in the fridge again, right?
*25% of the sales (all my commission) from this link will go to national partners with my organization serving Ukrainian refugees. U.S. shipping only (sorry!)