Sink or Swim—Or Float
As a young girl who loved to swim out into the lake or ocean, I learned if I got tired, I should flip over and float on my back until I was rested and ready to go again. Don’t panic, just float. This is a form of not drowning. But this is often overlooked in the high-stress, expat life, where it’s accepted—or even celebrated—to see how much we can manage and how much we can take.
That is, until we can’t take it anymore.
Guest article by Ashley Irvin
You probably have an idea of what you want your time abroad to look like. Maybe you’ve been there for years, maybe you are new. Maybe you are getting ready to depart your passport country. You probably are thriving or at least smiling in this ideal vision you have. Maybe sweatier than you were in your home country, maybe even embracing the newfound language mishaps, but you are doing it and overall doing it well. You knew it would be hard going in. You were prepared. You did the training. Heck, you even drug your training binder across the ocean and implemented the ideas.
But what happens when it feels like you are sinking faster than anything else? What goes through your mind when you know what to do, but can’t seem to do it? Do you know who to call, services to access, and how stress affects you emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Maybe you’ve already sought advice but still don’t have any tangible action steps to help you move forward from where you are now. When it feels like your choices are only to sink or swim, I want to remind you of a third option.
You can float.
As a young girl who loved to swim out into the lake or ocean, I learned if I got tired, I should flip over and float on my back until I was rested and ready to go again. Don’t panic, just float. This is a form of not drowning. But this is often overlooked in the high-stress, expat life, where it’s accepted—or even celebrated—to see how much we can manage and how much we can take.
That is, until we can’t take it anymore.
We know there is a higher purpose to this crazy life and this strength is coming from not ourselves but God. But tangibly, how do we make it? How do we remain for the long haul? I haven’t been abroad long but I’ve experienced an insane amount of transition, change and upheaval during both our preparation to move and our short time abroad.
This may start to sound like the beginnings of a five-step program, but we need to recognize where we are and when we are in trouble in order to have any hope to continue. After all, we had to learn how to float. It’s not something we were born knowing how to do. There are entire swim classes to teach toddlers how to float and not drown. We know we’ve been called into this adventure of expat life. However, if we ignore the fact we are tired and we don’t stop to breathe and float—we will, in fact, sink.
How do we remain, and balance our physical needs with our responsibilities? How do we take a mental and physical time out to reassess where we are and what we need? I can already hear you saying, “It must be nice to not have kids to worry about, or a foundation to run, or people to care for 24/7. There’s no way I can take a time-out.” And yes, all those things may be true and come with different stages and degrees of responsibility that make it hard, oh so hard. I do not want to discount any of those things, but the alternative is burnout (or sinking).
So how do you float?
1) Take a deep breath. You do not have to solve the world’s problems, nor do you have to drop off the face of the earth (or jump on a return plane, although it may be tempting.) This is not an all-or-nothing task.
2) Clear your day. This could mean one literal day to start, or this could mean every day needs some clearing and simplifying. Make space to breathe, to recover, to renew.
3) Ask yourself what is the bare minimum to sustain you? Start with the simple and practical. Then make sure these are happening on a regular basis. These are things that tend to go out the window when life gets crazy but are actually necessary to survival. You may even be tempted to think they are too lavish for an expat to be doing (especially if you raise support). Ask things like, “How much sleep do I need to function? What makes me feel like a human (shower, brushing teeth, going for a walk)? What is something that’s fun and comforts me in this foreign land? Does a messy house take the wind out of my sails?” Then find out why these things aren’t happening. Is it a lack of time? Is it a lack of energy? Is it a lack of motivation?
4) Take inventory (aka find what is primarily sinking you). If you are too tired to even know, it’s okay. That’s why the tip to “clear your day” may need to be repeated. You need to get to a spot where you are mentally, physically, and spiritually able to look up and see where you are going. You may have hit stormy waters and are so turned around you don’t even know what’s up or if you are facing the right direction. It’s okay. You don’t need to swim yet—you just need to float.
Are you fighting off sickness? Are you fighting bureaucracy to maintain staying in-country? Are you constantly on edge because of daily threats in the form of rats, thieves, or mold? Take note. This is not a time to solve or fix. Scribble it* down on paper.
*This is a great time to know that pen and paper (or some form of jotting down) are key here. Our brains can’t be trusted to remember things in times of fight or flight.
5) What boundaries do you need help with?
This may be something you know you need but aren’t sure how to ask for. What did you write down for #3 and #4? This is where you remove the extra, the unnecessary, the things that bury you and your spirit. This may mean you need to have the hard conversations with your sending agency, your home support, your boss, or even your friends. You know yourself. You know how you are feeling. You may even know exactly what you need. This is where you pray hard, reflect, and get back to basics.
God brings us through the valleys and molds us in the trying times. But it doesn’t mean we are superhuman. Bring these concerns gracefully to the attention of those who can help. Believe in these concerns, guard them. Our family and team will thank us for them. And those in the sending role—this is the time to listen and offer practical, tangible help. We know “God’s got us” which is how we got this far, but we humans need to be the hands and feet of encouragement to one another. If someone tells you they are stressed and need help, believe them.
When we’re too tired to swim in this expat life, that doesn’t mean we’re doomed to sink. Floating offers rest and a chance to catch our breath, so we can get back to a sustainable pace and keep swimming.
Have you been there–fight or flight, sink or swim? How did you get through those moments when the voices and the enemy are too much to continue? How did you bring it back to a sustainable pace? Floating can save you or offer rest. How and how often do you float to keep going amidst the storms? Share your stories and encouragement.
This guest article was written by Ashley Irvin. Ashley has spent most of her life enjoying four seasons—with lots of snow skiing and camping in the Pacific Northwest. Now she and her husband find themselves in Brazil volunteering with at-risk youth in one of the largest cities in the world. Ashley loves calendars, filing cabinets, and a good latte. You can read more from Ashley on her blog.