The Wonder in Returning
“As thankful as I was that my helplessness was gone, I realized something: the wonder was gone, too.”
When we first moved overseas it was on a two-year commitment, unsure of what our future beyond that would hold. After a few months, we knew we wanted to make a life here. We enjoyed our jobs, had great chemistry with our co-workers, and loved the culture and people. Our kids adjusted exceptionally well, and although we dealt with our share of challenges, overall we had a wonderful first two years in our host country. When we left, we were excited to return.
During our home assignment, we went through the year-long process to become full time. It was a challenging year, but a good one. We created lots of memories, ate plenty of Mexican food and fresh berries, and felt ready to return for our next term.
When we stepped off the plane and into the suffocating humidity of SE Asia, I could already tell that this time was going to be different. I had known it would be, but the change was palpable and immediate.
I knew enough of the language to navigate and hold conversations. I could read the signs that had once been foreign and unfamiliar. I knew which little convenience store would have fresh milk once a week and which restaurants had been deemed “safe” to eat at. I didn’t feel like a baby anymore, needing people to lead me around and talk for me. As thankful as I was that my helplessness was gone, I realized something: the wonder was gone, too.
Do you know the wonder you sense when you first land in your host country and everything feels exciting? The fresh market and the stares and the heat don’t even bother you because you’re mesmerized by it all. Some people call it the “honeymoon phase”. Whatever you call it, let’s just be real and admit it doesn’t last forever. For me, when I came back the fresh market was damp and stinky, the stares were annoying, and the heat was unbearable.
I wanted to think culture shock wouldn’t apply to me this time. I’d lived here before! I spoke the language! I was a pro! (Ok, not really) But the reality was, I dealt with culture shock more upon our return than the first time. And as I tried to nail down what the difference was and why I was struggling, I realized something. Not only was the wonder gone, but my gratitude was gone, too.
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When we first landed in our host country in 2015, the process of getting here had taken a year. The logistics and obstacles to changing our occupations and moving our family of five overseas had felt impossible. So when we finally found ourselves in this land that had been on our hearts for so long, I was deeply grateful. In the pungent markets and on bad roads and during language learning I constantly thought: “I get to live here! I get to do this! It’s amazing!”
On our return? Of course, there were obstacles and it felt miraculous as well, but not in the same way because it had all happened before. So once we arrived and the settling in began again and the new had worn off, my sense of wonder suffered because my gratitude suffered.
My “get to’s” had turned into “had to’s.”
I had to get up early in the morning to buy meat at the market while it was still fresh.
I had to sweep the floors multiple times a day during the dry season as insane amounts of dirt settle on everything.
I had to homeschool my kids because we live in a remote area and there are no other options.
“I had to…” This phrase, whether conscious or not, was sucking the gratitude out of me.
When we allow familiarity to cause us to lose our sense of wonder, our gratitude disappears, too. Choosing to find the wonder in our every day lives changes the inner script from “have to” back to “get to” and makes even the hard and messy into something we can be grateful for. Wonder and gratitude go hand-in-hand.
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Perhaps you’re headed back soon, too. Or maybe you just returned and the wonder is all but gone. Especially in light of the pandemic, many of us had to leave in a rush, and are now returning without knowing what our return will look like. It’s not the same as last time, and that’s ok. We are allowed to feel how we feel, but we also get to choose to find the wonder and the joy all over again. Even after a pandemic. Here are a few ways I’ve regained the wonder in returning:
Tour Your City
No matter how long you’ve lived there, there’s always something new you can experience in your city. Take a day and drive around, looking for new roads and shops you’ve never visited before. Or better yet, leave the car behind and walk down a new street. You never know what treasures you might find when you slow down and take the time to look more closely.
Try New Food
I found that during our first term we tended to frequent the same restaurants. This time, we’ve committed to try more places and eat different things. Happily, this means that we’ve found a few new ones we love! Don’t always rely on your go-to’s. Buy that uniquely flavored bag of chips and try them. Taste that funny-looking fruit at the market. Let your local friends order for you. Experiencing new food is such a fun part of living abroad — enjoy it!
Take Photos, Make Lists
When you see a sight that stirs up wonder, take a picture. It could be nature around you, your kids playing with the neighbors, or local architecture. Whatever it is, capture images that bring you joy. And then, write them down! Create a gratitude list specifically about the place you live. Documenting these things helps you remind yourself of the wonder of this life.
When my gratitude is lacking, it’s not the fault of this country where I live. I have the choice to re-capture the wonder by simply looking out my window at the rolling green mountains framed by dusty streets and red tile rooftops, taking in the smell of noodle soup cooking next door, and smiling at the neighbor’s children across the street. When I stop and notice them, I’m struck by how amazing it is that of all the places in the world, somehow I get to be here. I get the privilege of living in this village, among these people, with my family of five. It’s breathtaking.
This wonder-filled life? We get to do this, friends. And that’s a wonder all of its own.
Many of us had to leave unexpectedly due to COVID-19. When we return, the only thing many of us may know is that things won’t be the same as when we left. In what ways are you preparing to find wonder and gratitude in your post-pandemic return? If you never left, how are you finding wonder and gratitude as restrictions around the world lift? Within this new norm, what is bringing joy to you?
