Expats Helping Expats: Rock Your Mentor Status
Ah, the early days of living abroad—you're lost: the language comes at you so much faster than during lessons, you have no idea where you are on the map and you need to get to the grocery store. You've got kids looking at you asking "What's for dinner?" and "Can we go to the park?" You wish you could curl up in the fetal position and eat a whole bar of chocolate. But there is none, since you haven't been to the store yet.
Fast forward three months, and you've got your feet under you a bit. Now you know where the grocery store is (at least one of them), you can ask people to slow down in your new language instead of staring at them with your mouth hanging open. You've been to the park (at least that one time). You begin to forget those first, lonesome weeks.
Then you hear of a new expat family moving in, and while you're still getting to know this place yourself, the uncertainty of that time comes rushing back.
You're ready. It's time to reach out and help someone else find her footing overseas.
Our family has been "the new family" many, many times, both domestically and abroad. And I remember clearly times I've been wondering how I'm ever going to learn to live life here when there's a knock on the door.In my memories, as I answer, the slow-motion reel begins and angelic music plays. Standing outside, bathed in a ring of light, is a friend-to-be. She has spaghetti sauce and cookies and invites me to come with her to the grocery store tomorrow. She gives me her cell phone number and while she's there, she shows me how to use my oven. When my kids crowd around her, begging to get out of the house, she says she can walk us to the park (and home again!). Since I don't have to figure out dinner anymore, I gratefully accept.
People like this truly exist. They are the invaluable Expat Mentors, and you can be one.
Start with the urgent need. Feeding the family. Bring dinner with you, so that worry is off the table (pun intended). Then offer to pick her up for a run to the grocery store.
Show, don't tell. Please don't give your newbie directions; take her there yourself. From her door to the store, walk her through it. Literally.Don't overwhelm her, but stay in contact. Plan to take her shopping each week until she's comfortable or call every few days to see what she needs. Make sure she knows how to reach you and who to call in an emergency.
Specific invitations—such as "I'm free tomorrow morning. Can I show you how to get to the bakery?"—are better than giving her your number and saying, "Call if you need anything." She might be afraid of bothering you. We're all needy in the beginning, and some people have a hard time asking for help.
Those first weeks overseas are stressful and lonely. If you have even a little bit of time in country under your belt, you're ready to mentor a new expat as she makes the big transition.
And don't forget to bring over some chocolate.
Ideas for reaching out to new expats:
Take her to the all-important grocery store or market
Walk her new neighborhood, pointing out any important stores, buildings, or sites
Show her how to use public transportation by taking it together
Bring dinner over
Invite the family to a favorite restaurant
Host a coffee or tea to connect her with others (give VERY DETAILED DIRECTIONS or pick her up beforehand)
Introduce her to a trustworthy babysitter
Help her interview house help
Show her how to use a favorite local ingredient
Write down three helpful phrases in the local language
Did you have an expat mentor when you arrived? What was the most helpful thing she did for you? What have you done to help a new expat?
