5 Tips for Dating While Living Abroad (Yes, with Apps!)
“For me, my experience resulted in one sort-of-boyfriend (who I quickly dumped after a month due to irreconcilable differences), three very memorable and fun dates, and one husband.”
In order for you to buy into this post, I’m going to need you to forget anything you’ve ever heard about dating apps. Especially, if you heard that in the USA. Because this post is all about dating as an expat and in order to do that in 2020 and beyond, your best bet is probably going to be employing some dating apps.
But those are for losers! Isn’t Tinder just for hooking up? I’m not into sketchy late night texts! That is not for me.
I kid. I know none of us are that closed off to new experiences, right? After all, you did (or have, or will soon) move out of the country you were born and into another. That is not for someone who isn’t at least a bit adventurous. That’s right, my friend, you are an adventurer! Now let’s talk about how to apply that to your love life.
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Like many of you, I moved out of my passport country by myself. I was all of 22 years old. The only things to my name were a 16 year old truck, and an apartment I shared with my best friend. As a single person (especially such a young one) it was pretty easy to say my goodbyes and hop a plane to somewhere new. Once I got to my destination (eSwatini) I started settling back in and slowly doing what it takes to make a place feel like you really live there. I got a cat, bought a car, started a new job and moved through three different flats. During all that, I decided it was time to get serious about dating.
At that point, I was 24, had never been in love, and hadn’t had a date since I left the USA. eSwatini is fairly conservative, with the church culture being even more so. The one, half-hearted attempt I made to get to know a guy a bit better (another expat at my church) ended abruptly when he said he didn’t feel right having coffee with me since I wasn’t really “wife material.” Sure. Okay then.
I know at this point, some of y’all have been there, done that, got the t-shirt. So what’s a woman to do? I’ll tell you—download Tinder, Bumble, or whatever dating app is being used in your area. Even if you live in the middle of nowhere (like I did—an hour and a half from my grocery store!) these apps have range, and a lot of them have an international feature. You, too, could meet someone, even from the comfort of your mosquito-netted bed.
With my best friend, I made a pact to try Tinder for three months and see what happened. I had the greatest time meeting men on it! I wasn’t once inappropriately propositioned. Everyone was on there was looking for “something real” — or so their profiles said. I know it can differ from place to place. I have been told that the dating profiles found in the major metropolitans of South Africa are not so sincere. But regardless of how many duds you may have to swipe left on, you can find some really genuine people by swiping right. Even if true love doesn’t come your way, you’ll probably get some good friendships and, at the very least, be that much more involved in the culture, too!
For me, my experience resulted in one sort-of-boyfriend (who I quickly dumped after a month due to irreconcilable differences), three very memorable and fun dates, and one husband. Yep. That’s right! I met my husband on Tinder. Now, granted, we did not actually date as soon as we matched. That would take another year of long WhatsApp calls, horse rides, hikes and a group camping trip to happen. But without Tinder, the odds of us meeting were incredibly low!
Now I know some people feel like using dating apps is unromantic or maybe even a bit sinful. Look, if you have some conviction against it, I am not your pastor. You do you. However, I will say the way most people meet isn’t particularly romantic, and God can use anything — even a dating app.
Since you’re obviously sold on the idea now, here’s how to ace your foray into the dating app-sphere in your host country.
1. Pick an app.
Ask around. Your local friends can probably tell you what’s being used, what to expect, and what to stay away from.
2. Make your profile.
When making a dating profile I recommend writing down — or verbally processing via ten minute long voice message — what you want your profile to convey. For me it was important to balance my bookish, academic tendencies with my tattoos and fierce attitude, and still mention Jesus. Maybe for you it’s expressing your deep love of KPop as well as systematic theology. Or Beyonce and kickboxing. Whatever it is, do not say you love traveling, animals, food, and coffee. You can love those things, but everyone loves those things. So make sure you love something else, too, or you will have a harder time standing out to your match.
3. Make your rules.
Part of what made my experience so positive was having a set vision for what I was looking for. I’m not talking about that list you made when you were 16 that details eye color and music genre preferences. Are you looking for a serious relationship or just want to meet some people? Does he need to speak your home language? How many emojis can a grown man use and still be a possible romantic partner? These are the types of questions you should be clear on before you proceed to swipe. For myself, a man must’ve filled out enough of his profile to give me at least some idea of who he is as a person and/or something that I could comment on to get the conversation started. If there was another woman in his profile, I didn’t care what the story was, I wasn’t swiping right. I also did not swipe right on anyone who had posted a gym/bathroom selfie. Because those are gross.
4. Start swiping (but stick to your rules!)
Do not let yourself swipe right on that gorgeous guy who looks like Oscar Isaac just because he looks like Oscar Isaac if his profile breaks your rules and/or you have a weird feeling about him. You’ll know what I mean once you start swiping. Some profiles just give off that vibe.
5. Ignore everything I’ve said, do what’s right and fun for you and find love! I just want you all to find joy and love, and hopefully amuse you in the process.
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If you enjoyed this, stick around! I’ll have a post coming soon about making friendships abroad (applicable for the married people as well). Apps may be involved, once again. Hey, we’re in a pandemic and it’s 2020. When did you last meet a person offline anyways? Yeah, I don’t remember either.
Have any of you ever used an app to meet people in your host country? We’d love to hear your experiences—good or bad! Comment here or share them with us on Instagram by tagging us @takingrouteblog
