The Eras Tour (An Expat's Version)
We can be “happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical.”
I have always loved Taylor Swift. (Fun fact: we went to the same Vacation Bible School in Pennsylvania in 1995 and no, I am not making that up.) But recently, I’ve realized one more thing we have in common: I, too, have been through many eras..
I’m six years into living overseas, and I can already see so many distinct seasons that have shaped our time here. How we’re spending our daily lives and who we’re doing it alongside now looks completely different than even just three years ago, despite having lived in the same neighborhood and worked at the same school our entire time here.
I know moving from season to season like this is not an expat-only phenomenon—everyone goes through different seasons of life. Everyone has to figure out how to grow and adapt to meet different demands. But it does seem like we have to make these adjustments so much more often than the average person—which I believe goes hand-in-hand with how transient overseas life is.
There were our first years here, when my husband and I arrived kid-free and carefree, figuring it out alongside new friends who arrived literally the same day we did: our Fearless Era.
Then there was the year when we and those same friends all had our first babies and navigated how to hire a nanny and learned how to wash cloth diapers and passed the electric baby swing from one family to the next: the Lover Era.
Then there was, of course, the fever dream of the pandemic, where friends left suddenly and we were on lockdown and then our airport was closed and we taught online and wore masks and somehow also moved houses and navigated an epilepsy diagnosis for our toddler in the middle of all this: the Chaos Era (okay, I’m going off script because, really, what T.Swift era could capture all of that?)
At the beginning of this past year, it would have been so easy for us to fall into the Jaded Era. Two of our closest family friends—the ones who we had babies alongside—moved back to the States. Our go-to people were gone, and we were left a bit floundering. In the words of Taylor, “the road not taken was looking real good now.” And while it’s valid and good to grieve our losses, it also would have been really easy for us to get stuck there. I’m sure you can relate—when we’ve said goodbye so many times, it’s easy to feel disillusioned; like it’s not worth it to keep trying to make new friends and new rhythms, knowing they too might be just for a short season.
But I am so glad that we didn’t get stuck there. Instead, we tried something different to make our way back to some sort of equilibrium: our Regrouping Era. We intentionally circled up with a new configuration of friends—two families we already knew, one who had just arrived—for a new tradition of weekly Sunday dinners. We rotate between our houses each week, enjoying food and time together while the kids run wild. One of these families is leaving at the end of this school year. We knew that going in. But even so, for this year, for where we’re at right now, these Sunday friends have been a true gift.
Our seasons are shaped so much by the people around us, and in a life where that constantly shifts, we find ourselves constantly having to regroup—whether we’re doing the moving or being left behind again. The rhythms that sustained our family for a season—like the every-other week supper club with all our coworkers who live in the same neighborhood, or the small group we were a part of hosted by an embassy family who would share their Costco tortilla chips with us—inevitably end as people move away. And we’re left piecing together a new way of life: a whole new era.
“I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending.”
Kendra Adachi at The Lazy Genius talks about the principle of ‘living in your season’. And while she might not have realized how quickly we flip through those seasons as expats, it’s still a good reminder. Right now you might be in a really lovely and beautiful rhythm—friend, live in that season. Enjoy it while it’s here without darkening its edges by looking ahead to its end. Right now, you might be caught in a tricky in-between. Maybe you’ve said goodbye to the people you did life with and haven’t quite found your footing yet in your new day-to-day. Friend, live in your season, knowing this too will pass at some point.
We can be “happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical.” So right now, whether you’re wrapping up one era or firmly in the middle of the next, take a moment and take stock. Name your season, if you’d like—sometimes it can help to give words to things. And be sure to reach out to a friend who shaped one of your past eras to let them know they were “more than just a short time.”
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash